Non-Chemical Addictions People Use To Avoid Their Feelings
Non-Chemical Addictions People Use To Avoid Their Feelings
Many people who have had negative experiences from the past wish to avoid their feelings and they find many ways to do so. Some of these are different kinds of addictions that prevent them from “thinking too much” or getting in touch with their real feelings. One of the ways these people cope is through one or more of several kinds of addictions.
Some people turn to drugs (prescription or illicit) and alcohol to alter their moods so that they don’t have to feel their true responses to the events of their lives. This is the most well-known type of addiction, but there are other ways to suppress your feelings that don’t involve substance abuse, and these may be harder to recognize. For example, one method is to develop a sort of addiction to romance. People who choose this route may constantly keep finding new love interests to occupy their time and/or thoughts. This may take the form of short, serial relationships with a pattern of breaking up or moving on as soon as it gets “boring.” In this case, “boring” usually means that the initial “getting to know you” or infatuation stage has passed.
There is another form of this “romance addiction” in which the individual may have long term, rocky relationships. The partners may fight passionately, makeup, and then love passionately, only to start the cycle over again. Whenever things start to calm down one of the partners will introduce some new, troubling behavior to ensure that things remain consistently tumultuous. Regardless, the two feel inexplicably drawn to one another. For both types of romance addicts, an ordinary, long-term relationship with a stable partner will not do, because such a relationship is not consuming enough to serve its purpose. Due to the fact that it does not provide adequate distraction from whatever they are running from, it is deemed “boring”.
Another addiction that may overlap with romance addiction, though not usually, is sexual addiction. In this case, the addiction is an obsession over the idea of engaging in sexual activity. Depending on the severity of the case this behavior can sometimes be viewed as socially acceptable. It can range from monogamous relationships in which the sexual aspect is over-emphasized, to extremely perverse behavior. Other examples include bar-hopping and one night stands, married partners who are habitually unfaithful, pornography addicts, and child abusers. Sex addicts may devote enormous amounts of time to the pursuit of partners, or to fantasizing and self stimulation. Their encounters are not characterized by genuine emotional intimacy because genuine intimacy requires that both partners be in touch with their feelings. Sex addicts use sex to stuff down their real feelings. They are not emotionally available to the partner if there is one, and may even be overtly abusive.
One of the most socially accepted addictions is work-addiction or “workaholism”. In fact, unlike most addictions, this one can even generate praise and admiration for the addict. Many work-addicts are financially successful and hold prestigious positions. The line between healthy ambition and work-addiction is often fuzzy. Anyone who works for a salary knows that there is always something else you could stay late to work on. Those who punch a time clock can sign up for overtime or get a second or third job. Often these extra jobs seem necessary just to “make the bills.”
Remember, most bills represent choices made. What are you choosing above your own peace and wholeness? Power locks and windows on your car? More toys? Think about it.
If you keep your mind so focused on your work that it precludes having time to feel or think about your problems, worries, and doubts, then you are probably addicted to your work. However, “workaholism” is not the only way to accomplish this effect.
There is another category of addiction that I call “busyism.” “Busyism” is very close to work-addiction. The main difference is that you do not get paid for your efforts, and your time and energies can be spread over a broader spectrum of interests. Like work-addiction, “busyism” is likely to bring you praise from the outside world for your devotion and many hours of service.
Another non-substantance addiction some people habitually take-on is “project friends.” These friends are very needy and so the “busy” person spends a great deal of time counseling, consoling, and rescuing the project friend from messes s/he has gotten him/herself into. Constantly being involved in a very needy person’s life can be very distracting from the problems of one’s own life. Taking on “project friends” is really just another form of “busyism.”
Yet another example of “busyism” is the Mr. Fix-it to all his family and close neighbors. He still doesn’t have much time for dates with his wife, quiet times of contemplation, or those rambling vacations he was looking forward to for all those years. Am I saying that everyone who volunteers for a non-profit organization or holds down a good job is some how off-balance? Of course not! Obviously there is a healthy place for helping others just as there is for work, romance, and sex. It is when you do not balance them with experiencing thoughts and feelings that they become problems.
Using the addictions and behaviors just described to avoid the deeper issues may help you hold it together and keep up appearances for a while. However, it is as unwise as letting termites eat away at your home. After a while there will be nothing but a shell, and eventually the whole thing will come crashing down. Turning to these distractions is like feeling safe only when your head is under the covers. Anger work provides a means by which you can confront that boogie man lurking in the corner of your mind. Anger Work can help you eventually vanquish it.
Dr. Robert Puff is a psychologist and business consultant who has given almost a thousand media interviews, including magazines, online magazines, TV and radio talk shows. All of Dr. Puff’s writings are free, as e-books and unabridged audio recordings at his web-site. If you would like to read or listen to his free numerous selections of how to handle fear, manage anger, reduce stress, go to =>
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